I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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