Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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