No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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