I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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