At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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