Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
