hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
