between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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