I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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