A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
