Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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