Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it's like iHOP with fire
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
