I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
smell my finger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
