how can u be prego again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
