you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's official drugs can't kill me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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