Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think my moral compass just broke
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
