You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
