1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
