That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
