yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
