apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
