Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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