She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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