he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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