I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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