Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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