He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
