The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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