my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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