I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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