Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
