ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
