I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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