i think my tv is drunk
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
