either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
