Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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