Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
