she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
