Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
