I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
