Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
