she looked like the before picture.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
