There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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