i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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