I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
