youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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