my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
