I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found the puke drawer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
