Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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