party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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