Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
