yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
